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This is a super unsexy but informative essay describing the vicious cycle of the co-dependent and abuser cycle that is formed during childhood. It’s probably going to read like a scientific paper with an ugly diagram and stilted language but give me a break! I’m trying to save the world here!

I believe that most of the problems that we have today, from personal relationships to work to politics to the cycle of poverty, addiction, crime, mass shootings and more begins with childhood trauma. Without further ado. . .

A trauma — it could be physical, sexual, verbal, mental, emotional…


Replacing the concept of a higher power with a higher love in 12 step programs

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Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

I’ve attended a lot of addiction and recovery programs. Sometimes out of curiosity and sometimes because I needed them. I’m not a therapist nor am I a doctor. I’m writing this from my experiences and my observations.

I went to an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Food Addicts Anonymous meeting in my early twenties with my neighbor in Brooklyn. I had just moved to New York City to become a writer. I wanted to experience different aspects of life, and I was fascinated by my dapperly…


A list of my favorite films and favorite female lead characters from 2020.

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Never Rarely Sometimes Always

2020 was a disruptive year for just about everything and everyone, including the film industry. But I think it was a great year for female filmmakers and films about female characters. There were films about all types of women at different ages grappling with real issues that people have to deal with in contemporary society. They’re about women grappling with their autonomy, their body, money, careers, love, relationships, mental health, fear, violation, grief, and death. Watching these films can help us to see that we are not…


Alternative healing methodologies for mental, emotional, and physical health, especially to heal mental, emotional, and physical trauma.

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Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash

What do you do when you’ve been to a dozen doctors and the problem still persists? Or the doctor doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with you but you’re still in pain?

I’ve had somatic issues since I was a child. I’ve been grinding my teeth since I was 11 years old, cystic acne since I was 14, chronic stomach pain since I was 18, HPV for over three years, and other health issues including fatigue. Like many people, I thought that my acne…


A guide for improving your financial life by healing your money blocks

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Money is about planting positive seeds and watching it grow much like a plant. Photo by Micheile Henderson on Unsplash

I grew up with a very negative relationship with money. As a child, we didn’t have any, and I thought that it was my job not to spend any of it. When we did spend money, my mother would go into a rage or shame and guilt us. She accused me of stealing money from her once. I thought that one day, with enough hard work, I would have enough money. But that day seemed more and more elusive as I transitioned from engineering to writing. Strangely, when…


Fun lessons I learned from shaving my head

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Photo by Darya Ogurtsova on Unsplash
  1. It’s fun to use an electric hair clipper! Something about the speed, the buzz, and the instant and shocking results combines for such a fun time! I haven’t smiled, laughed, and been this nervous and scared in a long time. I also felt proud of myself for having the courage to do something solely for me. This is what it feels like to truly live.
  2. The shower and rain will forever feel different when you have a shaved head. It feels like something electric is dancing on your head. …

Books especially for treating depression, feelings of helplessness, paralysis, self-doubt, and chronic pain from childhood trauma, attachment trauma, dysfunctional family dynamics, and unfulfilling relationships.

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Photo by Siora Photography on Unsplash

After several decades dealing with body dysmorphia, burning out, severe acne, and increasing health concerns, I decided to approach self-growth, healing, and medicine in a different way. Even though I had attended some therapy sessions prior to this journey, I had no idea what was going on within my body or my mind. I didn’t even know that I could be truthful with my therapist. I thought that I had to cry profusely in order to…


We truly learn what love is when we love ourselves first

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Photo by Hanna Balan on Unsplash

As a teenager growing up in the early 2000s, I watched The Bachelor, hoping and wishing one day that I would meet my true love. At the time, I knew nothing about attachment theory, scarcity, trauma bonding, narcissistic abuse, transgenerational reenactment, codependency, and the meaning and consequences of watching a group of women fighting over one man.

My frame of reference for love and relationships came from growing up in a heavily entrenched Chinese American household, watching my parents fight every single day, and learning the religious mores of sexuality in a small town in Texas. To summarize — I…


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Photo by Lareised Leneseur on Unsplash

When we think of romantic relationships, we often think of romantic gestures, attraction, compatibility, and even religion. But I think the most important variable to look at is our patterns of relating.

The best way to assess if someone is ready for a relationship is to see if they understand attachment theory and to assess which type of attachment style they are. When we meet someone new, the first thing that usually spills out of our mouths is saliva and who we dated, for how long, and why it ended. This is important, but what’s more important is our relationship…

Charlotte

My private diaries. I write about mental health, childhood trauma, ending the tyranny of toxic family dynamics https://vimeo.com/ondemand/cowboyjoe/

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